We’re not talking s&m (sadism and masochism – the practice of using pain as a sexual stimulant) type thing. We’re talking good ol’ p in the v, drenched in all kinds of vanilla with a side of uninvited pain. Cue internal chit-chatter. Is it me? Am I not turned on enough? Is it perhaps a bit too rough? Or is he just too big? One can only hope and pray. Allow us to introduce to you, dyspareunia, a term used to describe painful intercourse that is recurrent or persistent before, during, or post-bedrock. Commonly experienced at the entrance of the vagina, deep in the vaginal canal, or in the pelvis – all unwelcome during playtime. We can also point the finger at Vulvodynia for painful intercourse, it is defined as chronic genital pain with no known aetiology that lasts more than three months. Women are actual unicorns exclamation point.

What is the root cause.

Sexually Transmitted Infection

Lest we forget the glove and hello chlamydia, and gonorrhea. It’s all fun and games until one of these bad boys rear their ugly head. STIs can result in a very painful ride and dare we say, can also lead to Pelvic Inflammatory Disease (PID), an infection of the female reproductive organs, symptoms include, pelvic pain, leading to painful sex, fever, and abnormal vaginal discharge.

Whilst we are sashaying around femme infections, it would be rude not to bring up the other mischievous couple that can show up to the party uninvited – a urinary tract infection (UTI) and thrush. Commonly triggered after a little lovin’ so it comes as no surprise if there is a smidgen of pain or lack of comfort during intercourse as these two really know how to cock block.

Endometriosis

As if there weren’t enough hard knocks for the femme community, hello endometriosis, an utterly debilitating illness that often gets swept under the rug. It is defined as the growth of endometrial tissue outside of the uterus. Very uncomfortable and painful, so much so, the thought of riding him like sea biscuit would be the equivalent to riding a cactus. Dyspareunia is a common symptom of this disorder due to the pain often experienced in the vaginal canal or pelvic region, when deeply penetrated.

Peri-menopause / Menopause

Whatta time for the pussy posse. Perhaps if we had the chance, we would trade genitals during this next phase. One of the most prevalent symptoms of this inevitable stage of life is vaginal dryness, which makes for a very coarse ride. Our natural working estrogen that has been accompanying us for years and years starts to decline. This usually takes place when we turn 40, give or take and is defined as peri-menopause. Then by the time we actually hit menopause, usually around the 50-mark, estrogen has left the building and we feel all dried up like the Sahara Desert. To avoid this conundrum, we reintroduce estrogen via hormone replacement therapy or suppositories. This will make vagina owners feel all shiny and new again, and soon-to-be slipping and sliding all over the joint. We can already hear the decadence calling.

Psychological

Dare we say, it could be none of the above. Sometimes you’re just not that into him or at the other end of the spectrum, triggered by sexual abuse or trauma. As females, we carry a lot of emotional baggage in our womb space. Not to mention stress and anxiety, these two can negatively impact both libido and vaginal lubrication so if you feel like you are clenching or rejecting anything that has the privilege of going in and around the honeypot, it might be time to have a wag about it.

How can I ride him like I’m in the rodeo sans getting bucked off.

Selected treatment should be specific if a cause is identified i.e. the above or based on any other known triggers. Our bodies are uniquely designed; therefore, each treatment plan will differ. With that being said, might we make a few suggestions to get you back on the horse in the interim –

Nourish the honeypot.

In order to get that honeypot feeling sweet and juicy we need to feed her (ourselves) with estrogen-rich foods as low levels of estrogen can be attributed to vaginal dryness. Up the ante on ground flaxseeds (must be refrigerated), soybeans, edamame, nuts and seeds, tofu, and tempe. This will assist with keeping things lubricated south of the waist so if there is indeed an imbalance in hormones, this would be a fab starting point.

Vitamin B6 also plays a role in keeping our hormones regulated by the metabolization of estrogen and production of progesterone. Ponder the inclusion of fish, nuts, starchy vegetables (potato), chickpeas, chicken breast, bananas, and cottage cheese into your diet.

Dehydration is often an overlooked factor when it comes to the v-jay. Sufficient liquid intake is essential for proper vaginal lubrication. If you aren’t sculling enough H20 then the both of you will become dehydrated. Let that sink in.

Time to get wet’n’wild.

Lube it up. More often than not, the pussy posse frown upon lubricant, however, research suggests that water-based lubricant is associated with higher levels of pleasure and satisfaction. Read that again. A silicone-based lube can cause irritation to the vaginal mucosa so be mindful when selecting your liquor of choice. Our personal fave, Figr.

Be wary of lubricants with a long-list of ingredients as these are generally peppered with parabens and other toxic chemicals, which can cause havoc amongst your hormones and spur on yeast infections. Especially the word ‘fragrance’, this pup is an underrated hidden toxin. We want you enjoying unadultered adultery so keep those peepers peeled.

Get acquainted.

Whether this pain is due to a physical ailment or is in fact psychological. This is prime time to get acquainted with thyself. You deserve orgasms around the clock and the neurochemicals released mid-O is chief in untethering any emotional blockages that have evolved south of the waist. Grab your ROOMMATE, dildo or put those finger puppets to work.

Treatments often involve multimodal approaches that include education, medication, cognitive behavioural therapy, physical therapy, and possibly surgery (last resort). But before we starting shitting kittens, it could very well be an imbalance in your hormones so it is worth the goss with your healthcare practitioner, whether that be your doctor, consulting with a physiotherapist that specializes in female health, and of course, us, we are always here for you. It takes a village.